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Apparently this website's formatting doesn't enjoy tabs, paragraphs and line breaks. [I'm on the road filming a documentary about truck driving... so I travel constantly in the lower 48 states. ]
I’ve seen so many things already.
I’ve seen myself in the mirror looking back from the same place in another time. I was shocked to see how young I looked. I’m glad that I know less now than I did then. I would have liked to have not known anything at the time. Knowing is a terrible, terrible thing. It is the lack of hope, creativity, youth, curiosity...
Wonder.
Awe.
Beauty.
I wonder if I saw that reflection, that echo, because I spent so much time then trying to look ahead to see the path that would lead me to the person I wanted to be. I would like to think that the reason I saw so little of the path was because I could never really make up my mind what that person really was or even should be.
Like all prophecy and dreams, you must focus on them to make them come to pass. That person I was, didn’t have the patience that I have now. Didn’t have the steadiness of intent. We live in a world of infinite possibility, filtered through a narrow band of likelihood and then twisted by emotional manipulation from outside the self.
There are so many realities being experienced right now that it’s possible to live in a world that encompasses the very truest heights and depths of the human condition and imagination. Empathy, brutality, compassion, cruelty, charity, greed. Everyday we are told stories of selfless actions in the midst of the most selfish of situations and then immediately we are bludgeoned with tales of the most selfish individuals exploiting the most charitable and noble organizations of human kind.
I used to loathe the darkness I saw in people until I looked inward and saw the exact same thing in myself. Then I realized what that really is. A lack of openness, empathy, compassion and an overabundance of judgement. I’ve spent years removing the bad habit of Judgement-(oh, there I go again) -perhaps I should say the myopic, polarized filter of judgement from my perception. Duality and ease are traps. I spent years reducing my comfort level to the barest of necessities and found myself stronger for it. Clearer of mind and purpose and intent. Now I am able to truly appreciate the comforts I have, and avoid the complacency of mind and body that come with it.
I set my body in motion across the continent and have stood in both the hearts of western civilization and the hearts of the natural world and order. I have looked up and seen the blue sky through canyons of steel, stone and glass and the stars through the ancient red-rock canyons hiding their glorious faces in the night, awed themselves by the eternity of the stars. I have looked out at the summer sun rising over the vast desert as it was clutched by talons of a rack of clouds with outstretched wings like a Phoenix and felt the true nature of life pouring through me, indescribable, my mind stunned to silence. I have stood on the beach, directing the lightning storm, not by thinking it into being, but by not thinking at all. Giving myself over to it. Feeling the air become unbreathable and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and then finally running back to solid ground, then turning to see the place where I was standing struck with the blue-white current. I have sat with a guitar, propped up against a wall in the Great Plains, watching a tornado form in the field in front of me. A few minutes later I had to be dragged into a basement because I was trying to lay eyes on the three that were surrounding the building. I have flown cars and driven them home. I have driven through sand storms, windstorms, wildfires, and blizzards. I have regained control of wayward 80,000 pound vehicles on several occasions and almost slid off a mountain backwards in one once. I have stood outside as a hurricane started to lay waste to my city and only ran for shelter when it became too dark to film or see the objects coming at me. I have taken supplies to those who faired worse and seen a town scoured from the face of the earth by nothing more than air and water. I have almost been done in by the winter cold and by the summer heat and my own stubbornness. I have felt the earth move and seen the water splash out of pools and power poles spark and burst. I have climbed mountains with no plan and without even really knowing why. I have made others climb mountains so they could and would know why. I have been lost in the wilderness and looked through the eyes of a bird of prey to find my way back. I have looked into the eyes of a man holding a gun to my head and made him miss. I have started a riot by being in the right place at the right time and saying the right thing. I have healed mind, spirits and bodies. I have patched up stab wounds and almost given them. I have experienced moments of clarity and the complete cessation of perception. I have looked beyond the material binding of reality and maintained my sanity in the process. I have focused my mind to the point that I could literally see my future and then changed both my mind and the future by recognizing the moments where it could be changed.
[if254 1]
My Ideal Person:
If you are Dominant, you're going to have to be really Dominant. By the fourth grade, my IQ was north of genius. I've literally fought off 4 people trying to subdue me. I have a job that kills two of us a day on average. I've been meditating and exploring consciousness for most of my life. So consider that carefully...
That having been said, I'm looking to explore a few desires that are slowly being revealed as I delve into a specific sub-section of my consciousness. (Pun intended). The damage was done when I was still in high school when a close male friend decided to try and seduce me while we were tripping on acid. This was a little too soon for me and caused a massive closing of the submissive/feminine side of my consciousness. I need to un-fuck myself now. The problem is that I'm an imposing presence with an extremely grounded and centered consciousness, and for my submissiveness to come forth, the Dom/Domme, needs to be even more imposing. If your male, you most likely will need to be bigger and stronger. If your female, you must be an true adept of yin-will. If your Trans....well, even better?
If your submissive, I can take you further...
If you're a switch...we'll thumb wrestle to see who gets tied-up and bent over first...
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