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The whole issue of "Topping from the bottom" is a big deal in Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴀɴᴅ sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴏɴ.

On the one hand, it's important to have open lines of communication - on the other hand the "Rules of the game" don't allow a sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ to command a Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ.

Frankly, even if the Rules permitted a sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ to direct a Sᴄᴇɴᴇ/Sᴇssɪᴏɴ - most of the Dominants would laugh it off and carry on doing whatever the Hell they wanted to anyway.

The color coded system of feedback ("Red", "Yellow" and "Green") skates pretty close to Topping from the bottom. If one adds on the less common, but still used, "Blue" and "White" - then, it's stopped skating: it's "put on a pair of hobnailed boots and is stomping all over the concept of Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴀɴᴅ sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴏɴ".

So, the thing that both Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ and sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ participants wrestle with is how to cause one another to behave in ways that are enjoyable .... and, still stay within the Lɪᴍɪᴛ/s.

But, that doesn't mean that it's simple to explain.

Is it a Dominant's job to make you submit? - or, to inspire you to submit?

Let's flip the concept around: Is it a submissive's job to make someone Dominate? - or, to inspire them to Dominate?

The answer is obvious.
But, obvious or not, many people never internalize it. When a sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ "Tops from the bottom", the line between "making" and "inspiring" has been crossed - and, the reason that stinks has little to do with Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴀɴᴅ sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴏɴ and much to do with Cᴏɴsᴇɴᴛ. Put the Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ hat on and it becomes even clearer.
If I "make" someone submit .... it's non-consensual.

By contrast, "inspiring" not only confers Cᴏɴsᴇɴᴛ, it also confers pride. And, pride has everything to do with Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴀɴᴅ sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴏɴ.

If you accept that a submissive's duty is to make her Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ proud - then, you must inspire her to Dominate.

I quite like this line of reasoning.
It seems appropriate to that both the Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ and sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ are bound by a shared Rule Of Conduct. It also seems to articulate the notion that submissives have a duty to inspire.

Some submissives "drop the ball" on this one.
They either refuse to acknowledge the extent of their influence on a Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴀɴᴅ sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴏɴ relationship. Or (if they do acknowledge it), "freeze up" for fear of Topping from the bottom.

There are a lot of things on the Internet talking about Topping from the bottom as being a bad, bad sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ thing.

It’s made people terrified that everything they do could be crossing that terrible line.

Topping from the bottom isn’t as bad as it is hyped.

First, what is "Topping from the bottom"?
It’s the intentional act of trying to force your Dominant’s hand to do what you want - whether that be Play-related or relationship-related. In most cases it happens when the sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ doesn’t give the Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ a choice to decide for themselves if they want to do as you ask. It’s very common for novices to do this without knowing the difference, and until you learn, you’ll just have to listen to your Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ.

The fear behind doing this is overblown hype, for the most part.

There are Dominants that like a bit of bratty, sassy behavior in a sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ.
In these situations, a bit of Topping from the bottom is likely and sometimes expected. In these relationships it’s all a part of the Pʟᴀʏ or relationship. Just because it looks like Topping from the bottom from your perspective it isn’t to the couple involved.

If the sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ is the experienced one and the Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ is new, then Topping from the bottom is expected at least for awhile until the Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ learns to read the sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ and how to use different Pʟᴀʏ techniques correctly. In this case, the sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ is guiding the Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ – but, think about how you would react if you were watching a Sᴄᴇɴᴇ/Sᴇssɪᴏɴ with the couple in this Rᴏʟᴇ.
You’d think the sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ was out of bounds on several occasions.

Now, getting past being afraid to enact this faux paux is difficult, and accept that you will in the beginning.
Here are some examples that can be Topping from the bottom in select situations:

“Spank me now!”

“You should use the soft Paddle on me now”.

“Can’t you make your own coffee?”

You may notice that the examples I’ve given sound like commands and that’s a huge identifier.
You can easily change these to be sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ requests and no longer push the Topping from the bottom Limit by rewording them:

“Would you Spank me now, please?”

“Could you switch to the soft Paddle, please?”

“Would you mind making your own coffee, please?”

These are of course basic examples for presentation, but you get the point I hope.

Don’t let others scare you into thinking you are doing something absolutely horribly wrong by Topping from the bottom.

Everyone has instances that they slip.

It’s normal.

A good Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ is going to recognize it for what it is and correct it, they aren’t going to allow themselves to be a push over.

Therefore, don’t fear Topping from the bottom.

Topping from the bottom has been given a bad wrap.

It’s considered by many to be a faux paux for any sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ.
Online Communities shun and shame many people who even ask about the subject and want to know if what they did was considered wrong. Too many people tell these people that yes it was wrong even if it really isn’t.

There are a few perfectly valid situations where Topping from the bottom is not only necessary, but welcome.

That’s right, the fear of Topping from the bottom doesn’t have to bring fear to the heart of a sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ:

~ Novice Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ, Experienced sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ -

In a relationship where the experienced person is the bottom, it is more common and better for all if the sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ helps teach the Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ what to expect and in some cases how to use certain implements. If you are in the situation that you know more than the Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ about a certain Pʟᴀʏ style, communicating that in Nᴇɢᴏᴛɪᴀᴛɪᴏɴ may set up a case where you will be invited to help them through a Sᴄᴇɴᴇ/Sᴇssɪᴏɴ with you. There is nothing wrong with teaching from the bottom.

~ First Time/s -

Similar to the above situation, when you are about to engage in your first Sᴄᴇɴᴇ/Sᴇssɪᴏɴ with someone, be it sex or Pʟᴀʏ, it is okay to share with the person what turns you on. Showing and telling someone your sensitive zones and talking about how you like to be touched is not Topping from the bottom. A Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ cannot read your mind. You can’t expect them to "just know" how to Pʟᴀʏ with you. You have to tell them. This is exactly the same in Vanilla situations and I’d have to wager a really big reason why people aren’t 100% satisfied in the bedroom. Too many people expect their partner to read their mind and are too shy or afraid to tell them what would work.
Don’t let that happen to you.

~ New Relationship/s -

While a relationship still has that "new car smell", Nᴇɢᴏᴛɪᴀᴛɪᴏɴ may take place daily. You will find yourself talking about all sorts of things, including specifics to your body and your desires. Shying away from these talks could dampen the dynamic later, so open up. Being open about what you desire and need is an important part of your personal and relationship development.

~ Casual Play -

If you meet someone just to Pʟᴀʏ, or accept an invitation to a Pʟᴀʏ Pᴀʀᴛʏ or event, it is likely that the lines of communication will remain open during the Sᴄᴇɴᴇ/Sᴇssɪᴏɴ so that you can let them know what is (and, what isn’t) working for you. It’s common sense that unless this person has played with you a number of times, they won’t be able to read your specific body language or know when a certain action is too much. Sharing this information during a Sᴄᴇɴᴇ/Sᴇssɪᴏɴ can help them make sure you both get what you need from the physical exchange.

It’s true that sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ girls often show ingenuity in framing their requests in such a manner as to manipulate their Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ, displaying great skill in planting an idea in a Dominant’s head without ever appearing to do so.

Drawing the Dominant’s attention to a pretty picture of a girl tied up in an aesthetic pose or tearfully regarding a threatening Whip is not particularly a subtle hint. But, alerting the Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ to the existence of a sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ Blog wherein certain practices are described (which the sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ herself may be eager to experience) can be disguised as merely a disinterested means of augmenting the Dominant’s reading pleasure. Asking the Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ, with a "butter-wouldn’t-melt-in-your-mouth" expression and in her best innocent little-girl voice, whether the Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ has ever done this or that to a girl might escape the charge of Topping from the bottom.

Who could say that such a guileless question displays any desire on the part of the questioner to undergo such an experience herself?

She is merely seeking to become better informed of her Dominant’s past history or range of interests.

The Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ learns from experience how to spot such crude or clever attempts to plant ideas in his head. He finds them more amusing than annoying. It seems to me that those Dominant's who fly into a fit of rage if their sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ reveals any of her preferences are only laying bare their own lack of confidence in their Dominance. If I thought a girl was trying to get me to do something she wanted, I’d be inclined to have her bring it out into the open and tell me in great detail exactly what she wished for and why. Her embarrassment at having to make such a confession would be pleasurable in itself. And, when the truth was out, I’d take even more pleasure in teasing her with it .... "Really? You want me to do that? What a shameless little slut you are. Don’t you know that only dirty little girls do such things? Are you a dirty little girl? Very well; but dirty little girls should be Punished, not indulged. Are you willing to be punished?" .... And, so on.

If a girl consistently reveals a desire for acts which do nothing for you, or which you find positively distasteful, then of course you have a problem, one which is more serious than the matter of Topping from the bottom: You and your sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ have a fundamental incompatibility.

She has chosen the wrong path in submitting to you, and I don’t think there’s any cure for that - but, a parting of the ways.

In many Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴀɴᴅ sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴏɴ relationships, if the Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ is new or unsure of his abilities, it can be very easy for a sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ to actually be the one controlling the relationship.

As a sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ, this is NOT what she (or, he) truly desires.
However, to obtain the sense of pure Dominance from their partner, they believe they have to control the situation and the Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ sometimes lets them, which can actually be detrimental to both parties in some instances.

However, this dynamic in BDSM relationships can happen, and happen often.

To understand this, we have to understand the reasoning behind many D/s relationships.
If one were to be able to look down upon the lives of 10 different D/s couples you would see that many of the submissives are the ones that in their daily lives have control of everything: they run the household, pay the bills, work two jobs and takes care of the kids. Submission then becomes their "special time" to let go and not have control of anything - not what they eat, what they say, what they wear, and most importantly what happens to them.

All they can do is feel, and feel in extremes.
However, because the sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ is a lot of times the one who controls all other aspects it is very difficult to let go of the control and they start to "Top from the bottom". This does not mean the sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ wants to be Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ - it usually means the opposite. They want to be controlled and Dominated, but may not be feeling as satisfied with the technique (or, lack of harshness) in their current sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ position.

A few examples of Topping from the bottom would be where a sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ during the times of Pʟᴀʏ is:

~ Suggesting what implement should be used - which is a more obvious form, but can happen.

~ More subtle ways that submissives control their Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ is by denying things to their Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ until they feel that it is the right time to give him what he wants.

One of the major pieces of D/s Lifestyles is letting your Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ stretch your Limitations, maybe trying new things you would have never let yourself try before out of shame or fear.

Now, this is not to say that you should just put your life in a Dominant's hands and have no Lɪᴍɪᴛ/s. Please have Lɪᴍɪᴛ/s, Safe, Sane and Consensual (SSC) Pʟᴀʏ is always key. However, if you do not trust your Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ to Punish you as needed, or pleasure you in his way in his own time, than the relationship isn't what it could be.

The solution to this could be as simple as putting the sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ in her/his place.
They could just be pressing the Lɪᴍɪᴛ/s to see when they will be stopped. Once the law has been laid down again this can stop the situation immediately. However, sometimes the issue is deeper and something to be addressed more formally. It could be the sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ has deep trust issues, if this is the case, then counseling may be the only way to help the situation.

Really, it can be different for all D/s couples, so it is key to make sure that it is not a serious emotional issue before corrective measures are taken.

I have been reading other Posts on CollarMe, FetLife, etc. and I realized a lot of people are misinformed about what “Topping from the bottom” really is.

I have seen far too many Tᴏᴘs try to manipulate their partners by telling them inappropriately that they were trying to take control from the Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ by expressing themselves.
Frankly, that isn’t exactly what this means.

A Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ should not do this.
Topping from the bottom can be a serious issue, but for some people, it is how their relationship is structured. Topping from the bottom is when the bottom directs how the Sᴄᴇɴᴇ/Sᴇssɪᴏɴ or relationship goes. In a more traditional BDSM relationship (if there is such a thing), the Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ is the one providing direction and control of the submissives activities. In this situation a sub is “Topping from the bottom” when they try to manipulate a Dominant’s feeling to provide what that want.
That is the issue here: Manipulation.

Typically, we call this passive aggressive behavior.
That is what makes it wrong.

A sub is well within their Rights* to let the Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ know what they need and what they require in the relationship. A Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ needs to listen to this and they need to hear what the sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ is saying.
And, that isn’t Topping from the bottom.

But, sometimes Dominants try to manipulate their submissives, too .... and, this is equally bad.

Subs, don’t fall for this trap.

Doms, don’t pull it.

* See also: Tʜᴇ sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ’s Bɪʟʟ Oғ Rɪɢʜᴛs and Tʜᴇ sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ’s Cʀᴇᴇᴅ.