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Or, do you just like "Kɪɴᴋ" in your sex life?

Because there is more to this ALTᴇʀɴᴀᴛɪᴠᴇ Lɪғᴇsᴛʏʟᴇ than the fairy tale fantasy of incredible sex, being Spanked, the image of yourself tied and writhing against your bonds, or being brought to new heights both physically or mentally, by your Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ.

* sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ ~

sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ (or, bottom) in BDSM is the partner in a BDSM relationship or in a BDSM Sᴄᴇɴᴇ/Sᴇssɪᴏɴ who takes the passive, receiving or obedient Rᴏʟᴇ of the other partner, Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ (or, Tᴏᴘ).

A sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ can be subjected to acts such as Fʟᴏɢɢɪɴɢ, Servitude, Dᴇɢʀᴀᴅᴀᴛɪᴏɴ and/or Humiliation and can be physically restrained by Bᴏɴᴅᴀɢᴇ, which can itself inflict Pain. A person who relinquishes control for a large percentage of their day-to-day life to a Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ, or who submits within a formal set of Rules and Rituals, is sometimes referred to as a sʟᴀᴠᴇ.
The Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ is then often called the, Mᴀsᴛᴇʀ (male) or Mistress (female).

The term, "bottom", originates from a more general use of the word, especially in the Gay male Community, to mean receptive partner during anal sex.

A "Total bottom" is someone who assumes an exclusively passive or receptive Rᴏʟᴇ during anal or oral intercourse.

A "Power bottom" is someone who aggressively enjoys being the receptive partner.

A "Versatile bottom" is one who prefers to bottom, but who Tops occasionally.

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* See also: Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴀɴᴅ sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴏɴ, Female Dominance, Male Dominance, Sᴀᴅᴏᴍᴀsᴏᴄʜɪsᴍ, Sᴡɪᴛᴄʜ, Tᴏᴘ, ʙᴏᴛᴛᴏᴍ ᴀɴᴅ Vᴇʀsᴀᴛɪʟᴇ.

So, You Think You Are sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ?

Because there is more to this ALTᴇʀɴᴀᴛɪᴠᴇ Lɪғᴇsᴛʏʟᴇ than the fairy tale fantasy of incredible sex, Fʟᴏɢɢɪɴɢ, Pᴀᴅᴅʟɪɴɢ and Sᴘᴀɴᴋɪɴɢ, the images of Bᴏɴᴅᴀɢᴇ and you writhing against your bonds, or being brought to new heights both physically or mentally, by your Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ.

Not that all those wonderful things can't happen - they quite often do, but it goes deeper than what you can see, touch, hear and feel.

A good relationship involves that other important element - what you, yourself "sense".
It goes beyond this realistic plane, into the depths of your soul. Or, so it should. That when you are in that role, you ARE sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ. In every way, shape, and form.

No Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ wants a sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ that will only give up part of themselves.
You give it all. Even when you don't think you have any left, you find the strength to reach down into the dark recesses of your being and FIND it.
There are no half measures.

You will often hear someone comment that "SHE" is NOT sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ, or "she's too Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ to be sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ".

Well, nowhere in the sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ manual does it say that you're a wallflower.
Or, that you're docile and pleasing to anyone that happens to come along, most especially to the Internet entities who call themselves, "Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ" or "Mᴀsᴛᴇʀ" or "Sir" or "Lord", and demand that you call them as such.

Titles need to be earned.
Both the titles of Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ and sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ. Or, Mᴀsᴛᴇʀ and sʟᴀᴠᴇ.

In this ALTᴇʀɴᴀᴛɪᴠᴇ Lɪғᴇsᴛʏʟᴇ you will find a surprising number of us have those high powered or stress jobs, and that their personal lives are well under control. We hold ourselves in high value, and have great self-esteem. This is not a Lifestyle for the timid. It's not a game that when your Lɪᴍɪᴛ/s are pushed, or when your Pain threshold is at it's max, you can say, "Okay, I've had enough, you can stop now".

Yes, a Sᴄᴇɴᴇ/Sᴇssɪᴏɴ can be controlled with a Sᴀғᴇ Wᴏʀᴅ, etc, and all Lɪᴍɪᴛ/s respected.
I'm sure you've read this, and it is true - I'll leave that discussion up to those who have written great articles on the subject and would encourage anyone to read them. That's what it takes to make a decision about going into this: KNOWLEDGE. I'll say it again, because it's important: KNOWLEDGE.
You wouldn't make a decision to take a job that you knew nothing about, unless you could make an informed decision. That takes - yes, and I'll say it again .... KNOWLEDGE.

Read everything you can get your hands on.
Attend a Mᴜɴᴄʜ or two, meet and talk with other submissives that are willing to help you understand. Go to a public play house. Personally, they are not my taste, but I guarantee you will come away with quite a new perspective.

But, I will tell you one thing, it's like a drug.
Addictive, drawing you into it's grasp, and holding you there. That yearning need which you try to shake off when you've tasted it, and experience a length of time in between being Owned.
If someone had warned me of it's hold prior to my getting into this, I may have thought twice.
But once you've tasted it, usually, there is no turning back.
Not even if you wanted to.

On a side note, there are those of us who can Pʟᴀʏ without needing to be Owned.
Whether it is just to relieve tension and the burn that we feel, to have fun - there are many reasons. It doesn't make them any less or more sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ than those who prefer that close, intimate bond of being Owned. An un-owned sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ doesn't have to mean she's lacking.
It's all about choices.

And, what works for YOU may not work for another.

So?

No matter what your preferences are ....
Are you willing to let someone else totally take charge?
Control your mind, your body, your soul?
Without thought of objecting or holding anything back?
When you are uncertain, trust your partner knows what's best and has the experience to carry it out?
At times when you want to run in fear, to find the strength and submit to what is being asked of you?
Are you willing to remember that it's not YOUR wants that matter?

Bottom line is, the only thing that matters is pleasing the one you serve.
NOT because it's expected. But because you WANT to. Need to. Because that's what it's all about.

Do your needs and wants matter?
Of course they do. We're not in this Lifestyle to please another, yet get nothing in return. But therein lies the difference. Fulfilling our own needs isn't as meaningful as when someone else does it for us.
A good Dᴏᴍɪɴᴀɴᴛ will see that your needs are fulfilled, because in doing so, a sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ will WANT to please them more of their own accord.

Choices.
It's all about choices.
And, compatibility.
And, knowledge.

So?
Still think you are sᴜʙᴍɪssɪᴠᴇ?