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70 views

_Whip_
13 Comments
Is Domination and submission a gift to each other in a D/s relationship?

First and foremost let me say no two people are the same and that’s what makes the world go around. I have debated this concept a few times in person as well as on other sites and would like to get input from the group to see your perspective.
There is no right or wrong answer because there are several scenarios for arguments and each will be valid. So this is not a discussion to see whose view point is better. The point being is how we wish to live and see our own lives.

Let’s look at the definition of what a gift is.
Gift 
–noun
1. something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present.
2. the act of giving.
3. something bestowed or acquired without any particular effort by the recipient or without its being earned: Those extra points he got in the game were a total gift.
4. a special ability or capacity; natural endowment; talent: the gift of saying the right thing at the right time.
–verb (used with object)
5. to present with as a gift; bestow gifts upon; endow with.
6. to present (someone) with a gift: just the thing to gift the newlyweds.

This may sound contradictory to you at times but it all has purpose so keep up. My opinion is that both Domination and submission or act thereof is a gift. My reasoning is that because the act of Domination and submission for the prospective Dom/Domme-DD or sub/slave-ss is for, and from the heart.

The gift is not retrospective. What I get from the lifestyle is not to look back on it and say ok, they did that, so I will do this, or if they don’t do that, I won’t do this! My philosophy is that because the bonding and love given in the relationship, it should have no restrictions or limitations unless hard limits are reached in what ever form. Any stipulations are agreed upon between the DD/ss prior to as well as during the relationship. The relationship is not about “what have you done for me lately”, it is for the betterment of each other as a whole. The relationship is about one Dominant and one submissive seeking each other and attaining the ultimate goal (happiness).

The act is gifted to and from each other in order for both to become what they want/need the most (to be complete). The act is a reciprocal agreement between the DD and ss to achieve each others desires. The gift is not contingent on receiving or giving anything physical or emotional. The gift is what each enjoys in knowing they are both pleased. A DD/ss knows that the either could give their affections to anyone at anytime but choose to give them to each other.

Let’s look at it in this context; If you need something to fulfill your life is it a gift if someone gives it to you? For instance I will use something a friend told me as an example. In her inner self she needed to be (safely) for reasons I cannot state. She felt it deep in her core that she had to have that in order to move forward in her life. She arranged for a friend to her after which she felt emotional relief. She perceived the as a gift because it took away and or provided what she was seeking to accomplish by being . The friend that her did not receive anything in return because it was done specifically for her well being.

Other examples would be when I play with my pets they make me joyful. When I overlook the mountains during a sunset or sunrise I am in awe. When I catch a big fish I nearly jump out of the boat! The first time I watched my walk, or heard them say Daddy I almost cried (of course that stopped and as soon as the Daddy I need $$$$$ started I now cry because I stay broke). So the short answer is anything in life that makes me smile or touches my soul is a gift to me.

I’m not saying your perception is right or wrong this is just what is right for me. E/everyone brings something into a D/s relationship and what we perceive in our thoughts manifests it’s self on what and who we are in the lifestyle.

Update: I have already had an email on this. For clarification, this post is talking about the conceptual idea of Domination and submission. Not the physicality of a DD or ss.


Lady_Imp
8 Comments
Rolls up her sleeves and gets to work...Gift.....a gift is something you give away without any expectation of something in return ...a Gift ...is something you don't take with you when you leave..it remains with the person to whom the gift was given to.

Being submissive is an intrinsic part of who i am...it's not something i give away ...i always retain it .

When you first meet a Dominant that has caught your attention or inspired you in some way ...i love being inspired btw....and you catch His eye ....the dance begins ..the let's see what we have in common, let's see if our styles, goals and dreams are similar ..our want's needs and desires ...do they feed each other.If all goes well the right dynamics, chemistry are present ....the moon aligns with stars and planets...the right amount of chocolate is given and received then..you've found what your seeking .... it's a natural slow progression.

When a D/s relationship ceases to exist ....the Dominant does not retain my submission ....it goes with me...it's not something that is removable from my body like a piece of clothing

Upon entering a D/s relationship ...is the expectation that nothing will be given in return by offering my submission ....NO....if my needs or wants are not fulfilled ....will i stay ..NO..same for a Dominant....if they're needs and wants are not being fulfilled are they staying ..i would think NOT. Now that's pretty black and white and i kept it that way for the sake of the debate.....is there highs and lows ...one gets more and one receives more at different times and different levels ...sure ....that's depending on the situation and who's need and wants are more important at the moment .

With that being said i''m of the mind that submission is not a gift it's a part of who we are and we chose to who gets the service of it ...but in exchange we get their Dominance which we so deliciously love ...drools ...ooops sorry getting off on a tangent here....and i don't have a drool bib handy .

Seeker_of_clay
6 Comments
Speakin' purely in the short term:

Gift seems to be being discussed here as almost physical. To Me, the essence of D/s is how the partners mesh. It's all about entwinin'; even more than an exchange. (you exchange Christmas gifts.) It's mashed potatoes and gravy - it's messy and sloppy and is tasty and very fillin' when done right. *Wicked Ol' Bear grin* It's somethin' unique in each partnership. I don't use the term "relationship" because not all D/s is about "relationship"; sometimes it's just an evenin' diversion or weekend romp. Or even a quick set of swats on the derriere. *S*

Long term D/s is somethin' more complex, but, I just wanted to touch on the basic subject now.

To link to this group topic Is Domination and submission a gift to each other in a D/s relationship? use [group_post 520511] in your messages.