Understanding The Risks
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Posted:Dec 12, 2021 4:13 am
Last Updated:Mar 12, 2022 4:21 am 2668 Views
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The Darwin Awards are something that is always good for a laugh and if you do not know what these ‘awards’ are for, well simply they are given to individuals who acted so stupidly that it resulted in their death. I do not know if these incidents are real or the fiction of human minds but the stories at least are always worth a laugh. Here in the lifestyle, there are activities, play, and actions that can be highly erotic, sensual, and orgasmic but if the people involved do not know what they are doing, it can result in serious, permanent harm and death.
I know this is a Debbie Downer topic but I want to talk about what happens if something goes wrong and yes Master Chokezilla, I understand it was an accident and you never meant to hurt, Natalie Newbie. So let’s speculate for a minute, that Chokezilla just injured Ms. Newbie during play but being the responsible person he is, he called emergency services or took her to a hospital/clinic for care. Very commendable but he has opened up a huge new can of worms. First, even though it was consensual, it looks like domestic violence and to Dr. Valerie Vanilla, ER doctor extraordinaire, it is abuse. In most places, Dr. Valerie Vanilla will be required to call law enforcement which in more and more places, it is no longer up to Natalie if Chokezilla will be charged with a crime but law enforcement. When that is coupled with the ‘evidence’ Dr. Vanilla collected treating Ms. Newbie, there is a good chance ‘Zilla’ will be guilty of assault/domestic violence (or if he is lucky just have legal bills from here to eternity). More than likely he gets a taxpayer-paid vacation to pound-him-in-the-ass prison, followed by no chance of having a career. Even places that require asking “would you like fries with that” stay away from those charged/convicted of domestic violence (I suppose if Zilla is an NFL player, he will just get a couple of weeks vacation and be back to ‘work’ but that discussion is for another day). If things went very wrong, and Ms. Newbie tragically passes, consensual or not Master Chokezilla is going to go to prison, period end of the story.
With that said, how many reading this know what R.A.C.K. or S.S.C stand for? I know that there will be some of you who do but for those that do not, this is the shorthand for two theories or viewpoints on how participants in the lifestyle treat the risks they are taking. Now, this is not about which one is correct, incorrect, or better (so please no debating this here). Risk Aware Consensual Kink and Safe, Sane, and Consensual are what both of these abbreviations mean. No matter which you practice, it is paramount that the risks are understood by everyone involved. No matter how safely you are in your kinky engagements, mistakes happen, things go wrong, and you HAVE to know what you are doing.
For example, a few weeks ago I was chatting with a new dominant who reached out for some advice. This gentleman and his partner were both new to the lifestyle and relied on FetLife, Reddit, and blogs for ‘how-to’ advice. Now there is some amazing, spot-on teaching happening in all those places but all of us know what else is going on there too, malarkey. He brought up the play that he enjoys with his partner and the first thing he expressed was that he loved spanking her body from head to toe, sometimes ‘hitting hard’. Then without pausing, he rolls into how they are looking forward to their first experience with doing ATM play (ass to mouth, not spending all her money). When he finished, I asked can you tell me the places on the body that you should not spank/hit? To which the reply was, I hit her all over and it never seems to hurt her other than some bruises. Facepalm moment for me and next I asked since you are both on board with ATM play, do you both understand and accept the health risks of this activity? His reply, “Can you tell me the risks, please?” Facepalm again.
Not only are there risks to life and limb from lifestyle activities but legal risks that people need to be aware of and understand. I am not just talking about the fictional misadventure of Chokezilla and Newbie above. A quick read at The Marshall Project, which is a nonpartisan, not-for-profit organization that works to highlight issues in U.S. criminal justice system, shows some of the things I am sure most of you did not think of when you engaged in play. Such as:
Any object used for the titillation of naughty bits is illegal to make/sell in Alabama (sorry no dildos for y’all) and should you just not be able to control yourself, plan on shelling out twenty grand and enjoying up to a year of accommodations provided in a facility to be determined by the state.
How about some good old-fashioned backdoor loving. Not if you live in these states because sodomy is illegal in Alabama, Florida, Idaho, Kansas, Louisiana, Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, North Carolina, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Texas, Utah, and Virginia. In Louisiana, it is called, I you not, a “crime against nature”. Yes, there was a court case that threw out laws that forbade it between same-sex partners, so things were changed that just made it illegal for everyone.
What do you say we just do a little old-fashioned bondage? If you live in New York state, having handcuffs is against the law unless you are employed as law enforcement, a PI, or rent-a-cop. Maybe we can start the Paul Blart Mall Cop Bondage Insititute? If you are not one of those you get a hefty fine and as a bonus, jail time! Now if you live in the penis-shaped state, home of the Magic Kinkdom, you can have those handcuffs, cuffs, and stuff, just not in the butt, your partner/playmate however you cannot possess a key to the cuffs. Those are illegal. So I guess you just leave your partner/playmate cuffed when you are done with stuffing?
In the legal world, “Consent is not a defense,” according to Susan Wright of the National Coalition For Sexual Freedom and I think it is important to remember this when you choose to accept the legal risks that go along with the play you wish to engage in. Yes, the physical risks of lifestyle activities are the greater danger but to make informed decisions, you must also learn and accept the legal risks.
This is truly how many people approach the lifestyle, they love the fun and games, the role plays, and even the bounds of trust created by power exchange but they do not educate themselves on how to safely engage in their kinks. If you are dominant or submissive, you must know the risks, both legal and physical of the play you engage in. I know it sounds simple but if you are into breath play, do you know how to do rescue breaths/CPR? Did you make sure that your partner knew how to safely choke and save you should something go wrong or did you just blindly trust as they closed off your access to air? No matter your role, you must educate yourself on how to safely engage in your kinks as well as learn/accept the risks of those acts. It is not anyone else’s responsibility but your own. No blaming a blog post, online video, or alternative facts if things go haywire. This lifestyle is a serious business, so make it your business to know what you are doing, understand, and accept the risks before you move forward. The life you save truly may be your own.
©TLK2020
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~ Saturday Sway
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Posted:Dec 11, 2021 5:05 am
Last Updated:Sep 30, 2023 2:04 am 2693 Views
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* Crying ~ Roy Orbinson ~Crying * These Days ~ Foo Fighters ~ Wasting Light * The Drugs Don't Work ~ The Verve ~ Urban Hymns * Mr. Blue Sky ~ Weezer ~ Weezer * Today's The Day ~ Aimee Mann ~ Lost In Space * Somebody Help Me ~ Otis Brown ~ Southside Chicago * Let's Get It On ~ Marvin Gaye ~ What's Going On * Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood ~Nina Simone ~Broadway Blues Ballads * Fall To Pieces ~ Velvet Revolver ~ Contraband * Almost Hear You Sigh~ The Rolling Stones ~ Steel Wheels * Stay With Me ~The Walker Brothers ~ Scott Walker & The Walker Brothers
Almost Hear You Sigh ~ The Rolling Stones
I can almost hear you sigh I can almost hear you cry On every crowded street All the places we would meet
What'll I do without ya They say that life goes on I'm feeling sorry for myself I can't believe you're gone
And you acted much too calm Turned on all the charm You had a cold look in your eyes
I can feel your tongue on mine Silky smooth like wine I'm living with these memories It's all that's left of you and me
I can almost hear you sigh Almost hear you cry When you made sweet love to me And you turned on all the charm Acted much too calm You had a cold look in your eyes
Did it mean nothing Was it all in vain Or was I just your fool Or was the pleasure-pain
And have you set me free? Or will I wake up in the morning And find out it's been a bad dream
Come on, I beg you I wanna be your main man
I can almost hear you sigh Almost hear you cry When you make sweet love to me I can almost see your smile It stretched half a mile You had a stone-cold look in your eyes
Mmm yeah Oh, come on Almost see you there I don't need no photograph Come on, come on, girl Nothing left to say now Can't believe, can't believe you're gone I just, can't believe, can't believe you're gone No, no Come on baby, yeah
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The Big O
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Posted:Dec 10, 2021 2:41 am
Last Updated:Apr 7, 2023 1:17 am 2823 Views
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There's a lot going on when you experience The Big "O".
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Unowned
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Posted:Dec 9, 2021 1:43 am
Last Updated:Oct 3, 2023 4:26 am 2863 Views
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The word itself implies a sort of default state—a way things should be. A state is described by the absence of something important. But the longer I am single, the more I wonder about this word.
It’s been nearly 15 months since my last D/s relationship ended. At first, “unowned” described perfectly the aching void left in me without the structure of our dynamic. I had no one to ask for permission. No one to make sure I went to bed on time. No one who craved my ever-deepening submission. It was the absence of so many things—not just ownership or love, but truly a loss of identity. What is a submissive when they are unable to serve?
I used to say that I’m a relationship person—that my happiness depends on my connection to another. And frankly, I never bought into the idea that you have to be happy as a single person before you can be in a healthy relationship. Some people just aren’t meant for single life. As a submissive, part of me has always felt incomplete without ownership. When your sense of purpose and fulfillment relies on serving and obeying another, being single can feel empty. It’s right there in the word. Unowned.
But over time, the aching void of "unownership" faded. I learned to live as a single person. And now I just feel…fine. No, really. At first, I knew I wasn’t ready to submit. Now I’m just not sure I need to. Submission feels like another me in another lifetime. That girl was so sure of her needs that she turned her life upside down for a chance at fulfilling them. Have my needs changed, or have I just been unfulfilled for so long that I’m numb to them? Am I walking around, unaware that the color has drained from my world? Am I actively looking away from the color, too terrified of what it might mean? Too afraid to get hurt, too afraid to make the wrong choice, too afraid to feel so deeply and give so much of me.
Either way, my submission feels so far away most days. It feels abstract. I have rebuilt my life and my heart so much in the last 18 months that I nearly feel like I new person. But maybe under all of this newness, there’s still a little girl waiting for the right moment to kneel. A friend once told me that these things are like balloons—you can hold them under the water, but they always fight their way to the surface again. I guess time will tell.
But that word—unowned—no longer feels like part of me. I am not defined by the absence of something; I am the presence of many somethings. And I have to trust that those "somethings" will lead me down the right path, whether I am meant to kneel or not.
~cherishedproperty
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Believe
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Posted:Dec 8, 2021 10:36 pm
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2021 6:47 am 2619 Views
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Sometimes you meet someone, and it’s so clear so immediately that the two of you, on some level, belong together. As lovers, or as friends, or as family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you’re in love or creating things together or foxhole buddies or partners in crime. It’s so clear, right off the bat, that this is what you’re supposed to be doing, that this is what you’re for. You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest of circumstances, and they help you make a life. I don’t know if that makes me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheer blind luck, but. It definitely makes me believe in something.
*Unknown
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Something To Ponder
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Posted:Dec 8, 2021 1:41 am
Last Updated:Mar 12, 2024 5:03 am 2792 Views
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In the midst of hate, I found there was, within me, an invincible love. In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile. In the midst of chaos, I found there was, within me, an invincible calm. I realized, through it all, that in the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger — something better, pushing right back.
~Albert Camus
**Photo Taken By : Me
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Choice
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Posted:Dec 8, 2021 1:37 am
Last Updated:Dec 8, 2021 10:47 am 2402 Views
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Choice is the most powerful tool we have. Everything boils down to choice. We exist in a field of infinite possibilities. Every choice we make shuts an infinite number of doors and opens an infinite number of doors. At any point, we can change the direction of our lives by a simple choice. It is all in our hands, our hearts, and our minds.
~Unknown
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