Safety when looking for a Potential Dom/me
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Posted:Mar 1, 2022 4:23 am
Last Updated:Mar 3, 2022 7:02 am 3293 Views
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For subs, looking for a potential Dom/me can be a minefield of traps, pitfalls, abusers, users, fakes, and cheaters. So how do you best prepare yourself when you think you have found someone that you could see yourself submitting to? There are many things that you can do, that any Dom/me with nothing to hide, would be happy to know you are doing. here is a list of things that I would suggest to any sub in this situation…
1. Get to know the person first from a distance without ANY mention of D/s or sexual play. This can be done in days, weeks, or months… However long it takes you to feel comfortable moving to the next step.
2. Ask LOTS of questions. Ask your potential Dom/me about past relationships, both D/s, and vanilla. How many have they had? How did they end? Are they still friends with their ex’s? Would their ex’s be happy for you to talk to them and ask about their relationship? Have they ever had a sexually transmitted disease? Do they have ? All these questions will give you a general idea of the type of person your potential Dom/me is. Watch out for red flags such as avoidance of questions, large numbers of relationships that ended badly, unwillingness to take the time to let you get comfortable with who they are, etc.…
3. Ask general questions about their past and who they are. Do they have a criminal record? Do they use drugs? Are they big drinkers? Do they smoke? What is their financial situation? Do they work? if not, then why? Ask them to describe themselves and compare that to what your gut tells you from what you have learned so far about them.
4. Find out if they are part of any D/s communities, online or in real life. Would they let you become part of that community and talk to others that have been around them for longer?
5. Ask them what they are looking for in a sub, what their kinks/fetishes are (Do NOT volunteer yours until they give you theirs), Are they looking for an online dynamic or something that could be real life? Ask what their opinions are on punishments, discipline, personal growth, what types of D/s dynamics interest them most, what does being a Dominant mean to them, what does submission mean to them, what do they want/need from a sub, are they physically able to protect you if needed… Ask anything you can think of that you think will make you feel more comfortable.
6. Ask them if they would be willing to supply you with a criminal background check from the police. Take sexual health physically and supply you with the doctor's report.
7. Once you feel comfortable with all the responses you have received from asking all the above questions, then you may feel more at ease about opening up about yourself. What you want/need from a D/s dynamic, your past experiences, your hopes & fears, your kinks/fetishes, etc.…
Now, I am not saying that anyone with a criminal record or has caught a sexually transmitted disease, or has had relationships that have ended badly, or doesn’t have a job, or little money is not worthy of being your Dom/me. But you have to use your common sense here… look at the circumstances. be particularly wary of criminal convictions for assault, sexual crimes (Obviously), drug abuse/dealing, Domestic abuse, avoidance of Maintenance payments, etc.… The point is that you have all the information you need upfront to make an informed decision about letting someone into your life in such an intimate way.
Once you are comfortable with it all so far and have begun opening up about yourself, and you want to move into the D/s side of things, then it’s time for you to think about what you want from negotiations.
Think very carefully about what you really want/need, understand that you can compromise, but NEVER be willing to sell out who you are as a person, your core beliefs, etc.… At this point, you may find out that although you seemed to be compatible on the surface, in fact, you are looking for completely different things. And that’s ok. No harm no foul. If you have both been honest, then this is where you would both understand your own wants/needs will not be fulfilled by this person, and part company.
If you are able to negotiate the terms of a dynamic that you want and are happy with them, then stick to them. Do not let the Dom/me try to constantly renegotiate the terms based on his/her wants in a particular situation. Make an agreement that you can both renegotiate maybe once every 6 months, or once a year. This is important because people change, their wants/needs change, and renegotiations allow you both to take those changes into consideration.
I hope you can see why honesty & trust are so highly regarded virtues within a D/s Dynamic. Without these, then how can I possibly hope to have a successful relationship with anyone? More so in a D/s dynamic where you may be allowing your Dom/me to pretty much have your life in their hands when it comes to edge play/impact play etc.…
A good strong foundation built on trust, respect, and mutual fidelity will ensure that your Dynamic has the best possible chance of success. You as a sub must ALWAYS feel safe, free enough to talk openly to your Dom/me about any concerns you may have with them, or a situation. Always be watchful for red flags such as an overly sensitive Dom/me that takes any of your concerns as personal attacks. Or seems to only be interested in listening to you when it suits them.
And always remember that YOU, the sub, has the power in the Dynamic. The only powers the Dom/me have been the ones that you have gifted to him/her. If you feel abused/used then take them back! Sub does not equate to being a doormat, please remember that.
I hope this post helps you as a sub, understand a little more about the things you can do to feel safer going into a new Dynamic, and the things you can do to make sure you are with someone that is in it for the right reasons, and not just for kinky sex, financial gain, or to satisfy their inner control freak.
~Dominant Life **Archive
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~Sunday Sway
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Posted:Feb 27, 2022 6:04 am
Last Updated:Feb 25, 2024 1:23 am 3425 Views
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* Girl From The North Country ~ Noah Gunderson & David Ramirez * Sweetness Follows ~ REM ~ Atomic For The People * The Killing Moon ~ Echo And The Bunnymen ~Ocean Rain * Dreams ~ Allman Brothers Band ~ Dreams * PIGS ~ Pink Floyd ~ Animals * So Young ~ Portugal, The Man~ Woodstock * Pusherman ~ Curtis Mayfield ~ Superfly * Hell In A Bucket~ Grateful Dead ~ Best Of The Dead * Since I've Been Loving You ~ Led Zepplin ~Led Zepplin III * Time Has Come Today ~ The Chambers Brothers ~ The Time Has Come
Dreams ~ Allman Brothers Band
Just one more mornin' I had to wake up with the blues Pulled myself out of bed, yeah Put on my walkin' shoes And went up on the mountain To see what I could see The whole world was fallin', right down in front of me
'Cause I've a hunger for the dreams I'll never see, yeah, baby Ah, help me baby, or this will surely be the end of me, yeah
Pull myself together Put on a new face Climb down off the hilltop, baby Get back in the race
'Cause I've a hunger for dreams I'll never see, yeah, babe Lord, help me baby, or, this will surely be the end of me, yeah
Pull myself together Put on a new face Climb down off the hilltop, baby And get back in the race
'Cause I've a hunger for the dreams I'll never see, yeah, baby Ah, ah, help me baby, or this will surely be the end of me, yeah, ah Yeah, yeah, yeah
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Be careful with yourself. Know yourself.
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Posted:Feb 27, 2022 5:12 am
Last Updated:Feb 27, 2022 11:35 pm 3388 Views
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When learning something, there are levels of mastery. Intellectual, emotional, and lastly, integration - meaning that understanding is in the cells of your body and is part of your general being.
When it comes to D/s, both sides of that slash need to get to that 3rd level - integration - before proclaiming to be either D or s. Until you’ve really explored your own psychology within the realms of either side of that slash, you are likely to either get hurt or hurt someone else.
You may hear/say, “It’s part of my being; in my DNA” and that may be true (hopefully it is), but that doesn’t negate the value in really understanding what the dynamic and being on either side of the slash provides as a benefit in their/your life.
Parroting the language of psychology does not equate to mastery or comprehension of said psychology. Declaring, “I am ___” doesn’t = actually being that thing. Don’t just take someone’s word for it. Ask them how they know; when they realized; how the dynamic benefits them; how they vet a potential partner; what advice they’d give someone saying “I want to be a ____” and anything else you can think of to discover their depth/level of mastery.
If you’re exploring with your partner, talk about what you are learning as you go. Solidify the lessons. If what you’re experiencing doesn’t feed your psyche and spirit, stop. Don’t fake it.
Be careful with yourself. Know yourself.
~empoweredsubmissive
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Hitachi Vs All the Rest...
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Posted:Feb 24, 2022 2:57 am
Last Updated:Oct 5, 2023 12:26 am 3552 Views
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While online today, searching for a new "toy." I was pondering the question... Hitachi Magic Wand Vs Every other vibrator out there. At this time, I am not in a relationship. So, I reach for it more and more. I adore The Hitachi. It's first-rate in my book. When I'm in a relationship, I beg for The Wand as well. I would love the hear feedback from Dominants and submissives. What's your take on The Wand? Is it part of your repertoire? I would love to hear from You.
~M.
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What Makes You Happy?
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Posted:Feb 23, 2022 2:22 am
Last Updated:Apr 12, 2024 12:52 am 3552 Views
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What makes you happy? Think about that for just a moment. Do you have that list in your head? Good. Keep it there.
What makes you sad? I’m sure there’s a collection of thoughts forming in your head now. Keep those there too.
There’s a question that isn’t asked nearly as often as the two questions above. A question that needs to be pondered and discussed.
What makes you feel complete? What fills the empty void within your soul?
This concept- filling empty spaces, completing the mind and soul, being utterly fulfilled- is a concept that we, as humans, need just as much as feelings of happiness or sadness.
Completion and filing of the soul aren’t exactly something that is easily explained, however. The feeling of being absolutely overcome and serene with life isn’t one that’s easy to put into words.
Think about what makes you feel complete. Is it a person, an activity, a place? Whatever it is, you need to hold onto it. Hold onto it with your soul. Because completion is one emotion that can immensely save a life.
Feeling whole and having the soul-filled is the key to staying alive. Not so much surviving, but living. Being completed keeps the process of living actually enjoyable. The filling of the soul is so incredibly important to life, and holding onto the things that complete the soul will keep the soul living forever.
What completes you?
Make that list, and never let go.
~Unknown
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The One....
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Posted:Feb 23, 2022 1:56 am
Last Updated:Feb 24, 2022 2:22 am 3037 Views
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“She instinctively knows that each pretender she eliminates brings her one step closer to the One, and in fact, it is not unusual to hear her use this exact terminology: The One. You can almost hear the Capitalization as she says it.”
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The Need
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Posted:Feb 22, 2022 3:44 am
Last Updated:Feb 23, 2022 2:42 am 2990 Views
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There are things I need. I need the rules. I need the structure. Sometimes I desperately need the pain. I need the pride in his eyes like I need the blood in my veins. I need to kneel at his feet and know that I want him to do whatever he needs. I need to know he’s present. I need to be his safe place. His release. I need to feel his desire. His need for me. I need to crawl if he wishes and be the one who makes him forget the world. I need to be in his arms at night and I need to be…. His. I need his decisions. I need his confidence. I need his passion. I need his anger and I need his joy. I need to feel wanted and I need to be loved. I need to be a priority. I need to give him every single part of myself. I need to know he won't break me once I do.
~M
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Find Someone....
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Posted:Feb 22, 2022 2:09 am
Last Updated:Jul 18, 2023 3:44 am 2590 Views
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Find someone who loves you well. Someone who never belittles you. Even in the heat of an argument. Someone who is gentle with you, but does not treat you like you are fragile. Someone who knows what you are capable of, and celebrates those pieces of you. Not someone who is intimidated by your strength. Someone who doesn’t make you feel guilty for being flawed. It is not love’s job to punish you. And remember the person you love is just as broken as you are when they fall short. No one is perfect – do not hold them to this standard. Find someone who is patient, forgiving, and apologetic. Someone who practices forgiveness freely and often. Love someone who is humble, kind, and empathetic. Not only with you, but with a beggar on the street, or a stranger in the supermarket. Common courtesy is important. Compassion is important. Kindness is important.
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~The Little Things
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Posted:Feb 21, 2022 2:01 am
Last Updated:Apr 12, 2024 1:02 am 2531 Views
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~Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.
~Robert Breault
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