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aliljaded 53F
23957 posts
12/13/2017 7:07 am
Creating Structure

Creating Structure

Submissives crave structure. If you create a world where the decisions are made, expectations are clear, and she knows what to expect, your submissive will do everything in her power to please you. The thing is that you’ll hear a lot about structure and consistency, it’s eluded to all the time, but you’ll rarely hear people talk about what that it looks like.

Structure is more than a set of rules, though rules are a great start. If it’s structure you’re after consistent behaviors are the building blocks. Structure is built by the Dominant and maintained on both sides. For submissives, there’s freedom in knowing what to expect. It may seem boring to most people, but I love knowing that my days will start and end in exactly the same way, and I think most submissives would agree. So it’s down to the nitty-gritty… taking a look at what structure looks like.

Disclaimer: It’s not the same for everyone, and that’s okay. Relationships are different, and these examples are to give an idea to those who are struggling. They are not meant to be the be-all-end-all, that defines the structure. Also, I use feminine pronouns for subs and male for Doms, not because I’m silly enough to believe that’s the only way it goes, but because that’s the sort of relationship I personally am in.

Does she wake up knowing the first thing to do? Is there a message on her phone from you? Is she supposed to let you know that she’s awake? Should she start the coffee while you’re in the shower?

When she goes to get dressed is there a reminder of you? Do you pick out her panties each day? Does she send you a picture for approval? Are skirts expected on certain days?

She’ll be late home tonight. Does she call and let you know? Leave you a text message? Is the note scribbled on the calendar enough?

She wants to make a purchase but she can’t get in touch with you. Does she make it anyway and tell you after? Can she decide to spend, but only up to a certain limit? Does she wait unless it’s an emergency, even if she’ll miss the sale?

She knows you like her legs shaved and smooth. Keeping them smooth is a rule. Does she shave every day? Every other day? How about when she has her period?

So these might still seem like just rules to you, but how about this…

Is it safe for her to come to you when she’s disobeyed? Sure, she should expect punishment, but does she know that your reaction and her punishment will be rational and equitable?

Does she know that you will call if you’ll be late?

Is she sure she’s doing well because you tell her consistently? Or show her with your affection? (Structure is about eliminating doubt too)

Do you hold her when you’re falling asleep? Do you realize that when you don’t she might worry she’s done something wrong?

If she journals for you, does she know that you’ll read it within a certain time-frame? Do you let her know when you have?

Does she know when to worry that you haven’t contacted her? Does she know you’d never miss a goodnight message unless something is wrong? Or does she assume you’ve fallen asleep or not charged your phone and give you time? How long? 12 hours? 24?

When these questions have answered it’s a sign that a submissive has structure. She knows what to expect, and she knows what is expected. A lot of it is about having rules, and what @instructor144 calls ‘defaults’ (Knowing what to do when you’re not there to ask. ex: If she sends you a picture of her outfit for approval and you don’t respond within 20 minutes, then the outfit is automatically approved).

Some of it is about being predictable as a Dominant. Predictably strict. Predictably observant. Predictably fair. Predictably affectionate. All these things stacked one on the other create the structure that makes a submissive feel safe, loved, and cared for.

pleasurewhore~


"Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”


Artschoolgrad 46M
8441 posts
12/13/2017 1:49 pm

great questions... hmm

Does she wake up knowing the first thing to do? I think a ritual or prescribed series of actions puts her in the right frame of mind right away.

When she goes to get dressed is there a reminder of you? I prefer to leave the decision on dress up to her (so no, no reminder right away) but this is to draw strict contrast to the times when she has specific instructions what to wear.

She’ll be late home tonight. Does she call and let you know? Yes, communication is expected and she might be told to return home early.

She wants to make a purchase but she can’t get in touch with you. Does she make it anyway and tell you after? I do not believe in financial control. Her money is hers to do with as she pleases.

She knows you like her legs shaved and smooth. Keeping them smooth is a rule. Does she shave every day? Smooth means smooth.

Is it safe for her to come to you when she’s disobeyed? Of course. But she should expect discipline.

Does she know that you will call if you’ll be late? Punctuality and communication is demanded of her and I set the example.

Is she sure she’s doing well because you tell her consistently? When she is doing well she is rewarded in ways that please her.

Do you hold her when you’re falling asleep? Touching and holding her is beautiful, especially if she has been crying.

If she journals for you, does she know that you’ll read it within a certain time-frame? Have not done this but if I did I would have her read it aloud to me.

Does she know when to worry that you haven’t contacted her? A good question I had not thought to ask.

thx!


RavishYou1955 68M  
211 posts
12/13/2017 7:29 am

very interesting and enlightening entry. thank you for making me realize how even the smallest things I do or don't do will affect my slave. Will definitely be taking some tips from your ideas to use in my own relationship.
Again, thanx


aliljaded 53F
8847 posts
12/13/2017 7:10 am

As always, please take what you need and leave the rest.

"Men need to hunt. She obviously understands this. She’s offering herself as prey. Not easy prey. But willing.”



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